


All The Honesty I've Ever Lost

by waterofthemoon



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Community: spn_30snapshots, F/M, Future Fic, Infidelity, M/M, Marriage, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-16
Updated: 2010-02-16
Packaged: 2017-10-09 01:37:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/81572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterofthemoon/pseuds/waterofthemoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Jensen doesn't know how to quit Jared.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	All The Honesty I've Ever Lost

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, I wish both couples all the best in their upcoming matrimony, and I don't think this is reality (which obviously applies to all my fic, but it's especially true here). I'm not even sure where this came from, actually; I'm generally not one for cheating fic. Written for the [**spn_30snapshots**](http://community.livejournal.com/spn_30snapshots/profile) prompt "betrayal" ([table](http://waterofthemoon.livejournal.com/380161.html)). Thanks to [**sophie_448**](http://sophie-448.livejournal.com/profile) for the beta!

They keep doing this.

Jensen thought it would stop after Jared married Genevieve, then after they were both married, but it just never did. The show went on, and he and Jared kept stealing every chance they could to screw around, and now they're stuck in their very own Brokeback tragedy. Jensen doesn't know how to quit Jared. Hell, he can't even quit smoking, so how the fuck is he supposed to have the willpower for this?

That's how Jensen's ended up in Jared's bedroom tonight—he still thinks of it as _Jared's_ room, not Jared and Gen's, even though Gen helps pay the mortgage now and spends more time in Canada than out of it. He's facedown on the bed as Jared pounds into him, slow and hard and demanding. It's good, it's _so_ good, and isn't that just the kicker, that he and Jared would be so compatible even in this. So well suited that they can't ever stop, even when it's destroying them from the inside out.

Afterwards, he helps Jared strip the sheets, the soft flannel bunched in his hands a solid reminder of everything he's done. He watches as Jared starts the washer, then follows him wordlessly into the shower. In the early days, Jared liked to talk, liked to crowd up close behind Jensen and press his face into the join of shoulder and neck, liked to say Jensen was _his_. Sandy was in the picture back then, of course, and so was Danneel, but that wasn't them.

Jensen _loves_ Danneel, is in love with her, has been for years. He wants to do right by her, wants the house and kids and career he always used to think he would have by the time he turned thirty. He craves the stability and longevity of it. It's just that ever since he got to know Jared, he's wanted something _else_, too, something he's afraid to name. It's just that she'll never have his whole heart because Jared claimed a part of it the very first day they shook hands.

They have rules these days. No marks, no kinky stuff, no overnights in the same bed. No promises, no declarations of love. No telling anyone, as if they needed a rule to tell them how disastrous that would be. Jensen can see the tabloid headlines and twin divorce papers in the distance now, an almost inevitable future.

They wash each other off quickly, sweat and come down the drain along with the soap they've both been using for years. Jared tosses him a towel when they get out, and Jensen blow-dries his hair, even though Jeannie will have his ass for doing that without using conditioner. He'd rather face her lecture than Danneel's questions he doesn't have answers for when it's not pouring rain outside.

He gets ready to head out once he's clean and mostly dry, grimacing at the feeling of his clothes on damp skin. They kiss at the doorway, and Jensen tangles his fingers in Jared's hair and yanks him down as if that could make Jared let him stay. As if that weren't so fucking impossible now.

Sometimes, Jensen thinks Danneel knows. Sometimes, he wonders about alternate dimensions, whole worlds where he got it right and married Jared instead, and then he feels so horribly, cripplingly guilty that he buys her flowers and fucks her on their living room couch. Sometimes—okay, most of the time—he doesn't deserve to call himself her husband.

Jared pulls him in and holds him too tightly, just for a minute or two, and Jensen lets go and goes home to his wife.


End file.
